The Night Before...

It's been a couple of days since I've written and quite honestly, A LOT has been going on.

My sister received THE phone call.  Our second choice of facility for mom called to say they could offer her a bed.  YIPPEE!  Wait....oh....

My mother at 55 years old is going to be a resident in a nursing home.  Huh.......  I NEVER thought this is where I would be at 35.  Only OLD people go to nursing homes.  Old people with families who didn't care or no families at all.

The current situation in my life has DRASTICALLY changed my original opinions.  We, as her family, DID care enough to keep her at home as long as we felt we could handle her.  WE CAN'T ANYMORE.  PERIOD.

I have good memories of my mom.  She LOVED people and would do anything for them.  She was an EXTREMELY hard worker.  There were people that when their parents passed away, she stepped into that role.  She helped me through some REALLY crappy stuff.

Mental illness SUCKS!!!  It just does and there is no nice way to say it.  I don't mind so much that she doesn't remember me.  My kids have been robbed of a grandma.  When I think of my grandmas and all the memories I've made with them that I will NEVER forget--my heart just breaks for my kids.

As I write, I am getting teary-eyed.  I can't explain it....  I lost my mom 3 years ago.  It has been such a LONG, strange road to travel.  I continue to pray that the Lord forgives the attitudes I have had on and off over the last couple of months.  I feel like the WORST. DAUGHTER. EVER.  I miss her so much!!!

Tomorrow, December 7, 2011, I will accompany my sister in placing our mother into a nursing home.

Tonight is the night before...............................